It's been several weeks since Katie left me. Funny, but I can't even nail down the exact date in my mind. At first I didn't handle it too well; it tore me up emotionally, to be completely honest. I started drinking pretty heavily. I was drunk every night after work for a few weeks straight. Eventually, though, I started to clean up. I stopped wasting my money on shitty booze, and quit my shitty job. That's right, I'm no longer the Iconic Assistant Manager at the 48th and Baseline location of Little Caesar's in Tempe, AZ. To keep a long story short, there was too much corporate bull shit raining down to swallow all at once. They moved the guy that hired me (who ran the store and whose employees loved him) to a different store and demoted him, cutting his pay by about a third when he wasn't making enough to get by as it was. He ran that store tighter than anyone else, but for B.S. internal politics, they decided to screw him. The chica they put in his place had no idea what she was doing, tried changing our entire operating system, and was running labor and food costs through the roof (she would use triple the man hours that either Thomas or I ever needed) when those costs were the same justification Corporate gave for cutting Thomas down. On top of that, I was aware of the fact that they were planning on firing me as soon as they finished training the two new assistant managers, so I decided to beat them to the punch. One Tuesday I didn't feel like going in to work anymore, so I simply didn't. Haven't been back, since. I suppose I'll return my store keys eventually.

The past few weeks have been an interesting amalgam of ups and downs. It still hurts to think about having lost Katie, at times; but I think that's natural. It was nearly 6 years of my life, gone in a day, and for what? I'm still not sure. It also doesn't help ease my mind to know that she leaves her room even less now, and rarely makes it to class. I loved that girl too much to watch her fuck herself over, but she's doing it anyway. I think I'm going to have to have a serious sit-down with her pretty soon, as a concerned friend. No, more than that. As someone she owes a debt of gratitude to for everything I've given up for her. She can repay that debt by not throwing this opportunity at UAT away. I'm seriously hoping she will. As for me? I'm having my share of issues with school. I recently had to go up in front of the disciplinary board for something as stupid as taking tap water from the cafe after hours, and they decided to pull everything else into the discussion -- my grades, my social life, and my financial situation. The way it looks to them, they could conceivably hit me pretty hard with whatever decision they come down with; however, they sounded as though they'd be willing to give me a chance to straighten out and mind my P's and Q's. This is an opportunity I fully intend to take. My grades aren't quite what they should be, but I'm working on changing that. As long as I keep my nose to the grindstone for the rest of the semester, I shouldn't have a problem pulling up my grades and my Cum. GPA as well.

I don't sleep much anymore. I've more or less been camping out in the school commons, setting up shop in front of a computer or two. I go days at a time between sleep sessions. Two days, three days, sometimes as many as four days before I get to sleep again. Strangely, I'm comfortable with this. I don't like sleeping very much anymore; I guess I feel that there are better things I could be doing with 8 - 10 hours than spending it unconscious. This interesting character quirk is actually part of my developing plan to get back on track and work my ass off. I'm utilizing this extra time to get caught up on class assignments, as well as to get a jump on personal projects. I'm part of a large-scale student game project here at the school. I'm under NDA, so I can't really talk about it other than to say that it's going to be an Action/Adventure Fantasy game. Right now I'm doing research for the project lead, looking into combat styles with different weapons that are going to be in the game. Eventually I hope to program for him, but I'm not sure how that's going to pan out. I've also got at least two other independent projects of my own in mind, with a few other students. These are still in the brainstorming phases, though; we have yet to get any heavy documentation written up about them. Back to the whole not sleeping thing, it helps facilitate all this extra time to work on things, but it will also likely help once I get another job. I'm in the market; I've applied one place that may or may not have tried to contact me already (Mom's still not sure about that one), so I'll be contacting them soon. If that doesn't pan out, these flip-flops will be hitting the pavement until I've got something. I really need to get my finances worked out. They're a tangled fucking mess, and I refuse to leave them like that.

One of the reasons I haven't been sleeping, actually, surprises even me. I've been spending a lot of time talking overnight with a very good friend of mine from Australia. And no, it's not Kathy, as dear as she is to me. I met this girl a while back on http://www.deviantart.com , and she's been more vital than she knows in aiding my emotional recovery from the weight of recent events. We've been hitting it off amazingly well for weeks now, more or less all night every night. I suppose you could say that, for all intents and purposes, we're dating. She has been my biggest source of happiness in the past few weeks, and has allowed me to look at some things in life with a simpler eye and more appreciative heart. Her name is Amanda, and I love the girl.

I've actually written again. It isn't much and it's not very good, but it's true, and it feels good to have done anything like that. I can thank Amanda for that. I haven't drawn in ages, but Uncle Matt suggested to me a short while back that I get into it again, and I may. I actually have a plan concerning that particular hobby that, I think, will help bring a satisfying amount of closure to the situation between Katie and I. It concerns a drawing of us based on a photo of us at prom years ago. I never finished the drawing, and it was a symbol of our relationship status for a while, I feel. As a symbolic gesture of goodwill and having moved on, I plan to finish the drawing -- penciling, ink, and all -- and present it to her with my thanks.

In other recent news, I've become a branded member of Puff Club here, which means that Josh (Puff Daddy) has taken me into his inner circle of trust (at least regarding the club; but by default some of his personal life, as well). As sophomoric as this might sound, I'm actually very proud to carry this brand and honored to have the privilege. There is a good deal of drama surrounding the club right now, which is surprising considering that we try to interest ourselves in politics and the like. I am pretty convinced that what happened to me with the disciplinary board (which also happened to Josh, for similar but separate reasons) is tied into the club, somehow. We're not the school's favorite club by far, which is old news; but now it seems that a once-trusted friend of the club has their own interests and is attempting to manipulate us for their own benefit. This is disheartening, to say the least. To keep flak aimed at him from splashing over onto the club, Josh has stepped aside for now and left Chris in charge. I think that's about the smarted thing he could have done, but I'm still worried that the uppers might move in for the kill while they think they have the chance.

Just add these issues to the list of things on my mind, and I wonder how I've been retaining such a calm and satisfied outlook the majority of the past few weeks.

Read this:

[link]

Here is my response:

Here's a question:

How do they plan to implement this in regard to international arrivals / departures? I can almost guarantee that other countries will not unanimously and passively allow this to pass into effect within their own sovereignties.

Furthermore, I know the government has no idea what it's doing with Information Security, but do they really have no idea what a BAD idea this is in terms of potential identity theft? Each of these bracelets contain an RFID chip that contains valuable private information. You don't have to know anything about hacking to purchase a cheap RFID reader and rip information from EVERYONE in the airport. It's too easy to compromise.

Also, even though I know the government is aware of my location when I travel by plane, I still don't like the idea of them having a real-time GPS signal of me. I know it's only just before, during, and just after a flight, but it opens the door to further invasions of privacy down the road. And don't start bitching to me about my liberal upbringing slanting my views and not allowing me to see the necessity of giving up a little freedom for a lot of safety. You can screw yourself. Freedom is not a luxury, so don't treat it like one. I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who once said, "Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

And finally, I refuse to wear a mini dog-collar. I am not cattle to be zapped at the slightest whim of a twitchy Ranger who's had a bad day. There is too much potential for misuse, and too much potential for this to be a gateway into greater and more prevalent and oppressive forms of control. "Give me Liberty, or give me Death!"

Hear, hear!

Discuss. Doing so is essential.

Things You Should Check Out:

Elect the Dead --
This is the debut album from Serj Tankian who, if you don't know, also performs as the lead singer of the eclectic, super-political rock group System of a Down. System has long been on of my favorite bands, and as a fan I have to say that Serj's solo work does not disappoint. It really brings out the musician in Serj, as not only are his pieces a little more accented with orchestral instrumentation (piano, etc.), but he plays nearly every instrument on the album himself, as well as performing the multiple vocal tracks in each song. This album was well-received by critics, and rightly so. If you're looking for an interesting new addition to the plastic collection, I highly recommend purchasing this.
You can also find it in vinyl, here.




Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots --
This is the newest installation of the famed Metal Gear Solid series, released only for PS3 so far. This is Hideo Kojima's finest work to date, in my opinion. This is the final chapter in the story of Solid Snake, the iconic protagonist from the entirety of the Metal Gear series (save for MGS 3: Snake Eater), and it really is a master work from someone who is the master of his trade. The gameplay is a lot of fun, and fairly simple to get a hold of. The controls aren't as clunky as previous MGS titles; 4 seems much more responsive and fluid. The game is visually stunning, with life-like graphics gracing not just the cutscenes, but the actual gameplay as well. The score is, like usual, unmatched, and really adds to the atmosphere of the story. Speaking of the story, it's scope is so grand that it almost overcomes the fact that this is a game, and not a movie. There are something like 8 hours of cutscenes in a game with not much over 20 hours of actual gameplay, which can be a turnoff for casual gamers. I, myself, don't mind. The cinematics are directed and composed as though they are just that: cinema. It really makes for an engrossing experience, especially when you add in small gameplay elements to the cinematics themselves. The game also promises a great replay value with at least 5 different difficulty settings (might even be 6), expansive levels to explore, secrets to unlock, etc. This installment also includes and online multiplayer mode that is unlike any online fps you've likely ever seen. There is also a behind-the-scenes making-of-the-game feature on the extras disk, but I'm not sure if that's only in the special edition release or not.
All in all, this game is a great addition to your game collection (easily the best game of the year), or even a reason to buy a PS3 if you don't have one yet. If that's not enough to sway you, check out games like Killzone 2 or Little Big Planet.

More to come...

Thanks for reading, guys. Yours,
Steve O