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Family & Friends
Family and Friends - PFP Assignments
1. Family and Friend Circles.
List the names (and optional contact info, if you have a private wiki) of two categories of important people in your social universe, such as:
A) Family (your family by relation)
B) Friends (your best and more distant friends)
OR two alternative titles, such as:
A) My Tribe/Clan/Gang/Family (best friends and close family)
B) ExtendedFamily (more distant friends and family, but not acquaintances)
Try to come up with at least10 names for Category A and 20 names for Category B. If you are in any social groups (Facebook, etc.) take a look at those to find some of these names. List the names in alpha order, by first or last name as you prefer. (2 lists)
Family:
Friends:
2. Enlarging Your Social Groups.
Look at your two relationship circles above. Are they each an appropriate size for your interests and goals in life? The anthropologist Robin Dunbar estimates we can maintain strong social relationships, where we know who each person is and how they relate socially to others, with as many as 150 people (Dunbar's number) at a time. How close are you to "maximizing" your relationship potential? Would it be helpful to you to have more friends in either circle? Go back and add at least two (2) potential Category A and (4) potential Category B friends or family to your circles. Put these individuals names in italics. Potential Category A could befolks like cousins, aunts, uncles, in-laws, etc. that may be far away or otherwise distanced from you. Or they could be people you've been thinking could become a good friend, but you haven't put the effort into getting to know them. Do you want to contact any of these folks? If so, write this down on your Tasks page.
Add your potential names in italics to your F&F lists above...
3. Strengthening Your Social Groups - Communication.
Go back to your list above and classify them in two ways: a) Close Contact and b) Occasional Contact Family&Friends. Close Contact Family&Friends are folks you currently see or contact (in person, phone, email, IM, etc.) 10 or more times a year. Put a > (greater than sign) after the names of all the folks you presently contact more than 10 times a year (be honest), and a < (less than sign) after the names of all those you contact less than 10 times a year. Now ask yourself: Are any of these folks in the wrong category (A versus B)? Do you want to move them, so their category better reflects your actual communication patterns with them? If not, do you want to contact some of them more frequently in the future? Some of them less? If so, write this down on your Tasks page.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...
4. Personal Characteristics of Your Family and Friends.
a. Shared and Conflicting Values. Look again at your values statement on your Values+Psych page (finish it on that page if necessary before returning here). Now look at your lists above. Typically, all your family and friends will share most of your core values to a reasonable degree, but a few will share them to the point of inspiring you (they may even live them better than you presently do, in your estimation), and another few will not share many at all (to the point of causing unproductive conflict, because you each see some basic things about the world very differently). Put a + (plus sign) after the name of any family member or friend who really inspires you with their values, and a ~ (approximate symbol) after their name of any whose values may led to unproductive conflict for you. For each of these two special categories of friends (+ and ~) write a few words after their name that describe why they are positively inspirational (or approximate) friends for you, at present. If you don't have any friends in either of these categories, think about how you can widen your circle of friends until you have a few in each category.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...
b. Strengths. Thinking about all of your friends in terms of StrengthsFinder, write a few words (at least one or two words for each person) after each of their names that describe something about either their values or their strengths that you admire (like "optimistic", or "kind," or "a great competitor" or "always learning"). Discovering people's values and strengths is an ongoing process. People display their values and strengths even more by theirbehaviors than by what they say. Watch both carefully and you can understandwho they presently are, as well as who they wish, or think they are, which is often a very different thing.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...
c. Shared and Diverse Skills. Look again at your goals on your Career Goals page (finish writing them there if necessary before returning here). Do you have an appropriate number of friends who share your most-valued skills relative to your goals, so you can help each other improve? Which friends share your skills? Note them with an (S) in your list above, and a word or two describing the skills you share (coding, hacking, design, networking, etc.). Now ask a different question: Among your friend circle, how broad is the set of useful skills that are relevant to achieving your current goals? Which friends have totally different but still goal-relevant skills from you? Note them with a (D) in your list above, and a word or two describing these skills. If you cultivate friends that have unique skills that are also important to your goals, you will have many more opportunities to do projects and startups with your friends. If you don't, your only option will be to go to work for others who are not your friends. No matter which of these two courses (working with friends or strangers) you chose at any point in your life (and both can work quite well), it is very good, whenever you can manage it, to always have both options available to you. People with alternatives can always negotiate their terms "from a position of strength."
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...
d. Critical Thinking. Do you have friends who respectfully help you examine and improve your beliefs, and think critically? Note them with a (C) for critical thinking in your list above. Socrates said "An unexamined life is not worth living." Miguel Aznar said "An unexamined (blindly held) principle or belief is not worth having." Cultivating friends who gently help you examine your beliefs and decisions will improve the quality of your life, as long as their criticisms don't tear you down or their egos don't try to control you.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...
e. "Problem" Family and Friends. "Problem" or "Project" friends may share your core values but they have communication, personality, or behavior clashes with you. That means it is often a "project" on your part to hang out with them. These folks may enjoy communicating with you (i.e., you give them something by communicating with them) but, relative to you, you find them controlling, apathetic, depressed, manic, too optimistic, too pessimistic, too critical (of themselves or others), rude, too loud, too quiet, etc. We may wish to just avoid all such individuals, but it greatly helps us learn patience and empathy, and allows us to do good for others, to have a few such individuals in our friend circle. Of course, you don't want too many or you won't be able to maintain your own equilibrium. You also need to find the right balance of time that you spend with such friends. Again, too much time isn't good for either of you, but too little time and you miss the opportunity help someone who may really need and value your friendship. If you have a private wiki, label any project friends or family with a (P) after their name. Write a few words next to their name about why it's hard to communicate with them, but also why it's worthwhile, and how often you plan to stay in touch with them.
Since this is not a private wiki, I'd rather not post anything that could be potentially offensive or disrespectful. I know who they are, and to what degree.
6. Foresight Story.
Pick one of your family or friends above and tell us a very brief story about someone who is either particularly foresighted in their personal or professional life (a model of future thinking), or someone who did some particular thing which seemed to you especially foresighted, showed good planning, etc. Can you learn anything from this story for your own life? (1 paragraph)
Tocu is actually pretty future-minded, being the dreamer of the bunch. He is possessed of a grand vision, and he just might have the balls to do what he dreams. He makes grandiose, abstract plans in his head, and somehow has the networking skills to carry them out, somewhat. We still need to get famous making that webcomic about our lives, now that I think about it.
7. Lack-of-Foresight Story.
Again, pick one of your family or friends and tell a brief story about something they did (or presently do) in their personal or professional life which didn't (doesn't) seem particularly foresighted. Can you learn anything from this story for your own life? (1 paragraph)
Benny and Chown have never been particularly strong with foresight. Benny went to a vocational school to learn a business trade, showing that he has the security of his future in mind, but since he graduated he has bounced from job to job, and sometimes I am concerned that he won't ever find a stable career. This is mostly due to the nature of his work (building trades). Perhaps once he has a decent amount of experience in the field, he will be better off. Chown is dedicated to people and causes that are important to him, but he lacks a strong sense of what he wants in an occupation. He, too, has bounced from job to job since he left the military, and this also is due to the temporary nature of the jobs he takes up.
8. Your Relationships - Future.
What kind of long-term relationships do you want to develop in your life? What are the first descriptive words (adjectives, verbs, nouns) that come to mind? Do you want a “significant other?” Marriage? Kids? None of the above? If you already have any of these, how you want to improve your relationships with family and friends going forward? If you want and are still waiting for a “significant other,” what values, talents, and personality characteristics do you think will best “complement” you in a partner? If you don't have some of those values, talents, and personality characteristics in your present partner, how can you get them? Through your friends? By building them in yourself? By paying someone to provide them in a professional capacity? By asking your partner if they are willing to help you get them? (2 paragraphs)
I've already developed the one long-term relationship I've always desired for my life, and that is with Kitty. I want to be married, and yes, to her. I want at least one child, but I'm not sure it's in the cards considering Kitty's dislike for children. I'd like to strengthen my relationship with my family, especially my extended family. I feel I've grown apart from them as I've gotten older and past childhood, and I honestly miss them. I remember being a kid and always wanting to have adult relationships with them. They're just fun people that I have always admired, and wanted to be a part of their "circle," I guess.
Sometimes it seems that Kitty and I aren't the perfect compliment for each other, but we make things work. We care deeply for each other, and even though there are things about the other (habits, personality flaws, etc.) that we can't stand, we function well enough. I think I do a decent job of balancing out the things she lacks that I want through my friends. Also, I am working to garner those talents, skills, and values in myself, so that even if I cannot influence her to develop them, at least I will not be left wanting.
Cassies new room - courtesy of Brenda
1. Family and Friend Circles.
List the names (and optional contact info, if you have a private wiki) of two categories of important people in your social universe, such as:
A) Family (your family by relation)
B) Friends (your best and more distant friends)
OR two alternative titles, such as:
A) My Tribe/Clan/Gang/Family (best friends and close family)
B) ExtendedFamily (more distant friends and family, but not acquaintances)
Try to come up with at least10 names for Category A and 20 names for Category B. If you are in any social groups (Facebook, etc.) take a look at those to find some of these names. List the names in alpha order, by first or last name as you prefer. (2 lists)
Family:
- Mom (Maasha, Maasha, Maasha!) > + Mom taught me the value of being grateful for what I have... and for eating my veggies. ;)
- Dave > ~ for some reason, we just seem to clash on our basic world view much of the time. We get along pretty well when we gang up on Mom, though ;), and when we both put on our, "Fuck that" hats.
- Rachel > + Rachel taught me to appreciate what a royal PITA I was when I was younger.
- Kitty > + Kitty taught me the value of love, and laughter.
- Grandpa Irv > + Irv taught me the value of getting situated. ;)
- Grandma Ruth > + I think Grandma is where I derive most of my values about honesty and integrity.
- Betty> + Betty has taught me to think critically, and to really examine my relationships with people.
- Mark < + Mark has always been a free-thinker, and cares deeply about his family despite some frustrating exchanges.
- Matt < + Matt is also something of a free mind, but more of a goofball. It's from him I learned the value of a sense of humor.
- Mike < + Mike is the biggest goofball of my three Uncles, but I learned my solid, blue-collar values from him: the value of family and hard work. ...and a good can of beer, ha ha.
- Missy > + Missy was always an inspiration to me. Her integrity mirrors that of my Grandmother's, and I've never met anyone with as much compassion as she.
- Joanne < + Jo is probably the biggest free spirit in the family, and it's from her I learned the value of loosening up and of loving other people - most notably, my family.
- Brenda > + Brenda taught me the value of discipline. Believe it.
- Dina <
- Danny <
- Cassy <
- Katie >
- Uncle Dan <
- Uncle Bob <
- Aunt Rosemary <
- Joe <
- Grandpa Olender <
- Grandma Olender <
Friends:
- Benny > + Benny has time and time again taught me the value of loyalty.
- Pat > (S) gaming skillz, ha ha
- Brittany > + Brit has time and time again taught me the value of honesty, and encouraged me to look at the world in different ways. (S) writing skills (C)
- Sarah > + Sarah taught me the value of having a good time.
- Danielle > + Danielle taught me the value of friendship, and laughter. (S) critical thinking (C)
- Ellen < + Ellen taught me to think for myself. (S) free-thinking (C)
- Kathy > + Kathy taught me the value of compassion, and of putting others before oneself. She also taught me how imperative it is to know what exactly what one wants, and to have the drive to do whatever it takes to have it. (S) sympathy, dedication, and emotional clarity (C)
- Matt < + Matt taught me that faith isn't such a bad thing.
- Sean-Michael < + Sean-Michael taught me the value of humor, of friendship, and of passion.
- Stephanie >
- Schwing > + Schwing taught me the value of reliability. (S) analytical skills (C)
- Will >
- Chown > + Chown has also taught me the value of reliability, and of dedication.
- Trillian <
- Yvon <
- Fausto < + Fausto taught me the value of being myself.
- Jesse <
- Boo > + My dearest Boo taught me the value of free-thinking, exploring new worlds, and of having a passion for life.
- Chuck (Kristal) < + Chuck taught me a lot about passion for what matters most to a person.
- Tocu > + Tocu taught me the value of dreaming. (D) creative vision (C)
- Ben >
- Tom >
- Ki-chan > + Ki-chan taught me the value of sensitivity.
- dmizer (Dale) > + Dale taught me the value of cutting through the bullshit. (D) concision and logical clarity (C)
- neph (Dave) >
- Brit > + Brit taught me the beauty of feeling, and of expression. (S) self-expression (C)
- Juno >
- Mike W. >
- Cory <
- Adam <
- Brad <
- Keith <
- Addy >
- Jackson >
- Amanda C. <
- AVolatileCalm >
- Ball > + Ball taught me the value of dedication to a dream. (D) dedication (C)
2. Enlarging Your Social Groups.
Look at your two relationship circles above. Are they each an appropriate size for your interests and goals in life? The anthropologist Robin Dunbar estimates we can maintain strong social relationships, where we know who each person is and how they relate socially to others, with as many as 150 people (Dunbar's number) at a time. How close are you to "maximizing" your relationship potential? Would it be helpful to you to have more friends in either circle? Go back and add at least two (2) potential Category A and (4) potential Category B friends or family to your circles. Put these individuals names in italics. Potential Category A could befolks like cousins, aunts, uncles, in-laws, etc. that may be far away or otherwise distanced from you. Or they could be people you've been thinking could become a good friend, but you haven't put the effort into getting to know them. Do you want to contact any of these folks? If so, write this down on your Tasks page.
Add your potential names in italics to your F&F lists above...
3. Strengthening Your Social Groups - Communication.
Go back to your list above and classify them in two ways: a) Close Contact and b) Occasional Contact Family&Friends. Close Contact Family&Friends are folks you currently see or contact (in person, phone, email, IM, etc.) 10 or more times a year. Put a > (greater than sign) after the names of all the folks you presently contact more than 10 times a year (be honest), and a < (less than sign) after the names of all those you contact less than 10 times a year. Now ask yourself: Are any of these folks in the wrong category (A versus B)? Do you want to move them, so their category better reflects your actual communication patterns with them? If not, do you want to contact some of them more frequently in the future? Some of them less? If so, write this down on your Tasks page.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...
4. Personal Characteristics of Your Family and Friends.
a. Shared and Conflicting Values. Look again at your values statement on your Values+Psych page (finish it on that page if necessary before returning here). Now look at your lists above. Typically, all your family and friends will share most of your core values to a reasonable degree, but a few will share them to the point of inspiring you (they may even live them better than you presently do, in your estimation), and another few will not share many at all (to the point of causing unproductive conflict, because you each see some basic things about the world very differently). Put a + (plus sign) after the name of any family member or friend who really inspires you with their values, and a ~ (approximate symbol) after their name of any whose values may led to unproductive conflict for you. For each of these two special categories of friends (+ and ~) write a few words after their name that describe why they are positively inspirational (or approximate) friends for you, at present. If you don't have any friends in either of these categories, think about how you can widen your circle of friends until you have a few in each category.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...
b. Strengths. Thinking about all of your friends in terms of StrengthsFinder, write a few words (at least one or two words for each person) after each of their names that describe something about either their values or their strengths that you admire (like "optimistic", or "kind," or "a great competitor" or "always learning"). Discovering people's values and strengths is an ongoing process. People display their values and strengths even more by theirbehaviors than by what they say. Watch both carefully and you can understandwho they presently are, as well as who they wish, or think they are, which is often a very different thing.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...
c. Shared and Diverse Skills. Look again at your goals on your Career Goals page (finish writing them there if necessary before returning here). Do you have an appropriate number of friends who share your most-valued skills relative to your goals, so you can help each other improve? Which friends share your skills? Note them with an (S) in your list above, and a word or two describing the skills you share (coding, hacking, design, networking, etc.). Now ask a different question: Among your friend circle, how broad is the set of useful skills that are relevant to achieving your current goals? Which friends have totally different but still goal-relevant skills from you? Note them with a (D) in your list above, and a word or two describing these skills. If you cultivate friends that have unique skills that are also important to your goals, you will have many more opportunities to do projects and startups with your friends. If you don't, your only option will be to go to work for others who are not your friends. No matter which of these two courses (working with friends or strangers) you chose at any point in your life (and both can work quite well), it is very good, whenever you can manage it, to always have both options available to you. People with alternatives can always negotiate their terms "from a position of strength."
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...
d. Critical Thinking. Do you have friends who respectfully help you examine and improve your beliefs, and think critically? Note them with a (C) for critical thinking in your list above. Socrates said "An unexamined life is not worth living." Miguel Aznar said "An unexamined (blindly held) principle or belief is not worth having." Cultivating friends who gently help you examine your beliefs and decisions will improve the quality of your life, as long as their criticisms don't tear you down or their egos don't try to control you.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...
e. "Problem" Family and Friends. "Problem" or "Project" friends may share your core values but they have communication, personality, or behavior clashes with you. That means it is often a "project" on your part to hang out with them. These folks may enjoy communicating with you (i.e., you give them something by communicating with them) but, relative to you, you find them controlling, apathetic, depressed, manic, too optimistic, too pessimistic, too critical (of themselves or others), rude, too loud, too quiet, etc. We may wish to just avoid all such individuals, but it greatly helps us learn patience and empathy, and allows us to do good for others, to have a few such individuals in our friend circle. Of course, you don't want too many or you won't be able to maintain your own equilibrium. You also need to find the right balance of time that you spend with such friends. Again, too much time isn't good for either of you, but too little time and you miss the opportunity help someone who may really need and value your friendship. If you have a private wiki, label any project friends or family with a (P) after their name. Write a few words next to their name about why it's hard to communicate with them, but also why it's worthwhile, and how often you plan to stay in touch with them.
Since this is not a private wiki, I'd rather not post anything that could be potentially offensive or disrespectful. I know who they are, and to what degree.
6. Foresight Story.
Pick one of your family or friends above and tell us a very brief story about someone who is either particularly foresighted in their personal or professional life (a model of future thinking), or someone who did some particular thing which seemed to you especially foresighted, showed good planning, etc. Can you learn anything from this story for your own life? (1 paragraph)
Tocu is actually pretty future-minded, being the dreamer of the bunch. He is possessed of a grand vision, and he just might have the balls to do what he dreams. He makes grandiose, abstract plans in his head, and somehow has the networking skills to carry them out, somewhat. We still need to get famous making that webcomic about our lives, now that I think about it.
7. Lack-of-Foresight Story.
Again, pick one of your family or friends and tell a brief story about something they did (or presently do) in their personal or professional life which didn't (doesn't) seem particularly foresighted. Can you learn anything from this story for your own life? (1 paragraph)
Benny and Chown have never been particularly strong with foresight. Benny went to a vocational school to learn a business trade, showing that he has the security of his future in mind, but since he graduated he has bounced from job to job, and sometimes I am concerned that he won't ever find a stable career. This is mostly due to the nature of his work (building trades). Perhaps once he has a decent amount of experience in the field, he will be better off. Chown is dedicated to people and causes that are important to him, but he lacks a strong sense of what he wants in an occupation. He, too, has bounced from job to job since he left the military, and this also is due to the temporary nature of the jobs he takes up.
8. Your Relationships - Future.
What kind of long-term relationships do you want to develop in your life? What are the first descriptive words (adjectives, verbs, nouns) that come to mind? Do you want a “significant other?” Marriage? Kids? None of the above? If you already have any of these, how you want to improve your relationships with family and friends going forward? If you want and are still waiting for a “significant other,” what values, talents, and personality characteristics do you think will best “complement” you in a partner? If you don't have some of those values, talents, and personality characteristics in your present partner, how can you get them? Through your friends? By building them in yourself? By paying someone to provide them in a professional capacity? By asking your partner if they are willing to help you get them? (2 paragraphs)
I've already developed the one long-term relationship I've always desired for my life, and that is with Kitty. I want to be married, and yes, to her. I want at least one child, but I'm not sure it's in the cards considering Kitty's dislike for children. I'd like to strengthen my relationship with my family, especially my extended family. I feel I've grown apart from them as I've gotten older and past childhood, and I honestly miss them. I remember being a kid and always wanting to have adult relationships with them. They're just fun people that I have always admired, and wanted to be a part of their "circle," I guess.
Sometimes it seems that Kitty and I aren't the perfect compliment for each other, but we make things work. We care deeply for each other, and even though there are things about the other (habits, personality flaws, etc.) that we can't stand, we function well enough. I think I do a decent job of balancing out the things she lacks that I want through my friends. Also, I am working to garner those talents, skills, and values in myself, so that even if I cannot influence her to develop them, at least I will not be left wanting.
Cassies new room - courtesy of Brenda
Steve_Olender |
Latest page update: made by Steve_Olender
, Dec 17 2007, 11:03 PM EST
(about this update
About This Update
Edited by Steve_Olender
6 words added 1 word deleted view changes - complete history) |
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Keyword tags:
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family
friends
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| Started By | Thread Subject | Replies | Last Post | ||
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| mdonner | anyone out there?? | 6 | Dec 10 2007, 8:02 AM EST by bttrhlf1 | ||
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Thread started: Nov 16 2007, 7:38 AM EST
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hello!!!!
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| bttrhlf1 | Whats new with Cassie | 3 | Dec 9 2007, 12:39 AM EST by Steve_Olender | ||
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Thread started: Dec 3 2007, 6:50 AM EST
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I am not too pleased about it let me tell you, but 3 young gentlemen have been hanging around the house ALOT lately. So what I have done is ivited them in and have them downstairs in the recroom while I bake and bake and bake in the downstairs kitchen. BTW, anyone need some Christmas fudge, I have tons of it to sell...lol
JoJo, came up with Matt for a weekend a few weeks back and while Mike and Matt taste tested our new 6 bottle booze dispenser JoJo and Cassie redid her entire room. It is now Hot pink and black, has a nice black carpet, I painted her antique iron bed black, and her night table and dresser black as well. All her trim,frames and shelving are black on pink, looks awesome. I will try to remember to send you a pic or two of it. She just started bowling in Sept. thought we would sign her up for something to do since moving and not knowing anyone it might keep her busy till she got to know people. Well she loves it and does pretty good at it. She won to go to a tourney on Sat, she didnt win but she bowled awesome. She bowled 152 over her average in the 3 games she played, thats 50 pins a game over, even the coach gave here a guh. She was very proud of herself as she should be. I was too of course otherwise you wouldnt be hearing about it .... DOH ! The coach thinks she has some potential for really doing some great things in bowling if she sticks with it. Snow still sux the big one down here, bet you dont miss it one F@@@ING bit do you?I can hear the wind just a howling out there, BRRRRRR. Any way, Love and miss you.will try to check in soon.
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