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Steve_Olender — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 08:51:03 CDT

July 9, 2008

It's been several weeks since Katie left me. Funny, but I can't even nail down the exact date in my mind. At first I didn't handle it too well; it tore me up emotionally, to be completely honest. I started drinking pretty heavily. I was drunk every night after work for a few weeks straight. Eventually, though, I started to clean up. I stopped wasting my money on shitty booze, and quit my shitty job. That's right, I'm no longer the Iconic Assistant Manager at the 48th and Baseline location of Little Caesar's in Tempe, AZ. To keep a long story short, there was too much corporate bull shit raining down to swallow all at once. They moved the guy that hired me (who ran the store and whose employees loved him) to a different store and demoted him, cutting his pay by about a third when he wasn't making enough to get by as it was. He ran that store tighter than anyone else, but for B.S. internal politics, they decided to screw him. The chica they put in his place had no idea what she was doing, tried changing our entire operating system, and was running labor and food costs through the roof (she would use triple the man hours that either Thomas or I ever needed) when those costs were the same justification Corporate gave for cutting Thomas down. On top of that, I was aware of the fact that they were planning on firing me as soon as they finished training the two new assistant managers, so I decided to beat them to the punch. One Tuesday I didn't feel like going in to work anymore, so I simply didn't. Haven't been back, since. I suppose I'll return my store keys eventually.

The past few weeks have been an interesting amalgam of ups and downs. It still hurts to think about having lost Katie, at times; but I think that's natural. It was nearly 6 years of my life, gone in a day, and for what? I'm still not sure. It also doesn't help ease my mind to know that she leaves her room even less now, and rarely makes it to class. I loved that girl too much to watch her fuck herself over, but she's doing it anyway. I think I'm going to have to have a serious sit-down with her pretty soon, as a concerned friend. No, more than that. As someone she owes a debt of gratitude to for everything I've given up for her. She can repay that debt by not throwing this opportunity at UAT away. I'm seriously hoping she will. As for me? I'm having my share of issues with school. I recently had to go up in front of the disciplinary board for something as stupid as taking tap water from the cafe after hours, and they decided to pull everything else into the discussion -- my grades, my social life, and my financial situation. The way it looks to them, they could conceivably hit me pretty hard with whatever decision they come down with; however, they sounded as though they'd be willing to give me a chance to straighten out and mind my P's and Q's. This is an opportunity I fully intend to take. My grades aren't quite what they should be, but I'm working on changing that. As long as I keep my nose to the grindstone for the rest of the semester, I shouldn't have a problem pulling up my grades and my Cum. GPA as well.

I don't sleep much anymore. I've more or less been camping out in the school commons, setting up shop in front of a computer or two. I go days at a time between sleep sessions. Two days, three days, sometimes as many as four days before I get to sleep again. Strangely, I'm comfortable with this. I don't like sleeping very much anymore; I guess I feel that there are better things I could be doing with 8 - 10 hours than spending it unconscious. This interesting character quirk is actually part of my developing plan to get back on track and work my ass off. I'm utilizing this extra time to get caught up on class assignments, as well as to get a jump on personal projects. I'm part of a large-scale student game project here at the school. I'm under NDA, so I can't really talk about it other than to say that it's going to be an Action/Adventure Fantasy game. Right now I'm doing research for the project lead, looking into combat styles with different weapons that are going to be in the game. Eventually I hope to program for him, but I'm not sure how that's going to pan out. I've also got at least two other independent projects of my own in mind, with a few other students. These are still in the brainstorming phases, though; we have yet to get any heavy documentation written up about them. Back to the whole not sleeping thing, it helps facilitate all this extra time to work on things, but it will also likely help once I get another job. I'm in the market; I've applied one place that may or may not have tried to contact me already (Mom's still not sure about that one), so I'll be contacting them soon. If that doesn't pan out, these flip-flops will be hitting the pavement until I've got something. I really need to get my finances worked out. They're a tangled fucking mess, and I refuse to leave them like that.

One of the reasons I haven't been sleeping, actually, surprises even me. I've been spending a lot of time talking overnight with a very good friend of mine from Australia. And no, it's not Kathy, as dear as she is to me. I met this girl a while back on http://www.deviantart.com , and she's been more vital than she knows in aiding my emotional recovery from the weight of recent events. We've been hitting it off amazingly well for weeks now, more or less all night every night. I suppose you could say that, for all intents and purposes, we're dating. She has been my biggest source of happiness in the past few weeks, and has allowed me to look at some things in life with a simpler eye and more appreciative heart. Her name is Amanda, and I love the girl.

I've actually written again. It isn't much and it's not very good, but it's true, and it feels good to have done anything like that. I can thank Amanda for that. I haven't drawn in ages, but Uncle Matt suggested to me a short while back that I get into it again, and I may. I actually have a plan concerning that particular hobby that, I think, will help bring a satisfying amount of closure to the situation between Katie and I. It concerns a drawing of us based on a photo of us at prom years ago. I never finished the drawing, and it was a symbol of our relationship status for a while, I feel. As a symbolic gesture of goodwill and having moved on, I plan to finish the drawing -- penciling, ink, and all -- and present it to her with my thanks.

In other recent news, I've become a branded member of Puff Club here, which means that Josh (Puff Daddy) has taken me into his inner circle of trust (at least regarding the club; but by default some of his personal life, as well). As sophomoric as this might sound, I'm actually very proud to carry this brand and honored to have the privilege. There is a good deal of drama surrounding the club right now, which is surprising considering that we try to interest ourselves in politics and the like. I am pretty convinced that what happened to me with the disciplinary board (which also happened to Josh, for similar but separate reasons) is tied into the club, somehow. We're not the school's favorite club by far, which is old news; but now it seems that a once-trusted friend of the club has their own interests and is attempting to manipulate us for their own benefit. This is disheartening, to say the least. To keep flak aimed at him from splashing over onto the club, Josh has stepped aside for now and left Chris in charge. I think that's about the smarted thing he could have done, but I'm still worried that the uppers might move in for the kill while they think they have the chance.

Just add these issues to the list of things on my mind, and I wonder how I've been retaining such a calm and satisfied outlook the majority of the past few weeks.

Read this:

[link]

Here is my response:

Here's a question:

How do they plan to implement this in regard to international arrivals / departures? I can almost guarantee that other countries will not unanimously and passively allow this to pass into effect within their own sovereignties.

Furthermore, I know the government has no idea what it's doing with Information Security, but do they really have no idea what a BAD idea this is in terms of potential identity theft? Each of these bracelets contain an RFID chip that contains valuable private information. You don't have to know anything about hacking to purchase a cheap RFID reader and rip information from EVERYONE in the airport. It's too easy to compromise.

Also, even though I know the government is aware of my location when I travel by plane, I still don't like the idea of them having a real-time GPS signal of me. I know it's only just before, during, and just after a flight, but it opens the door to further invasions of privacy down the road. And don't start bitching to me about my liberal upbringing slanting my views and not allowing me to see the necessity of giving up a little freedom for a lot of safety. You can screw yourself. Freedom is not a luxury, so don't treat it like one. I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who once said, "Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

And finally, I refuse to wear a mini dog-collar. I am not cattle to be zapped at the slightest whim of a twitchy Ranger who's had a bad day. There is too much potential for misuse, and too much potential for this to be a gateway into greater and more prevalent and oppressive forms of control. "Give me Liberty, or give me Death!"

Hear, hear!

Discuss. Doing so is essential.

Things You Should Check Out:

Elect the Dead --
This is the debut album from Serj Tankian who, if you don't know, also performs as the lead singer of the eclectic, super-political rock group System of a Down. System has long been on of my favorite bands, and as a fan I have to say that Serj's solo work does not disappoint. It really brings out the musician in Serj, as not only are his pieces a little more accented with orchestral instrumentation (piano, etc.), but he plays nearly every instrument on the album himself, as well as performing the multiple vocal tracks in each song. This album was well-received by critics, and rightly so. If you're looking for an interesting new addition to the plastic collection, I highly recommend purchasing this.
You can also find it in vinyl, here.

Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots --
This is the newest installation of the famed Metal Gear Solid series, released only for PS3 so far. This is Hideo Kojima's finest work to date, in my opinion. This is the final chapter in the story of Solid Snake, the iconic protagonist from the entirety of the Metal Gear series (save for MGS 3: Snake Eater), and it really is a master work from someone who is the master of his trade. The gameplay is a lot of fun, and fairly simple to get a hold of. The controls aren't as clunky as previous MGS titles; 4 seems much more responsive and fluid. The game is visually stunning, with life-like graphics gracing not just the cutscenes, but the actual gameplay as well. The score is, like usual, unmatched, and really adds to the atmosphere of the story. Speaking of the story, it's scope is so grand that it almost overcomes the fact that this is a game, and not a movie. There are something like 8 hours of cutscenes in a game with not much over 20 hours of actual gameplay, which can be a turnoff for casual gamers. I, myself, don't mind. The cinematics are directed and composed as though they are just that: cinema. It really makes for an engrossing experience, especially when you add in small gameplay elements to the cinematics themselves. The game also promises a great replay value with at least 5 different difficulty settings (might even be 6), expansive levels to explore, secrets to unlock, etc. This installment also includes and online multiplayer mode that is unlike any online fps you've likely ever seen. There is also a behind-the-scenes making-of-the-game feature on the extras disk, but I'm not sure if that's only in the special edition release or not.
All in all, this game is a great addition to your game collection (easily the best game of the year), or even a reason to buy a PS3 if you don't have one yet. If that's not enough to sway you, check out games like Killzone 2 or Little Big Planet.

More to come...

Thanks for reading, guys. Yours,
Steve O

Diary - PFP Assignments

1. Learn About Appreciative Inquiry.
Appreciative Inquiry (AI) is a futuring technique that asks you to specifically describe and appreciate some of the things that have gone (or are going) very well so far in your life, in your relationships, in your education, in your job, etc. By recalling and writing about these "high points" of your life experience so far, and thinking about the conditions that allowed them happen, you can:

a. learn more from your past

b. better appreciate your present

c. develop practical visions and plans for your future

Appreciative Inquiry can be done in groups, to improve organizations, and it can be done by one person, to improve their own life. Quickly skim these Appreciative Inquiry definitions (3 pages) to get a sense of what AI involves. You don't just report the positive in AI, you can also ask questions about how to heighten your potential for future success (e.g., "How can I get more of this kind of result?") and envision answers to those questions. You can also discuss negative things in AI, but such discussion must be focused on the positive ways you have been able to manage, minimize, or overcome those negatives so far, at least a little bit. AI dialog is, in essence, about appreciating all the positives that have occurred in your life, and imagining ways to achieve even more of those positives in the future.
No writing for this item, just reading.

2. Apply Appreciative Inquiry to Your First Diary Entry.
Make your first diary entry below. Start the first line with today's date, like "November 26, 2007." Then take at least four (4) paragraphs to tell us what you really appreciate so far about your life. What you think is working well, and what are some of the high points emotionally, intellectually, experientially, etc., either since you came to UAT or over the last few years. By briefly and yet accurately writing about these, you'll be able to review them later and get more insight into your strengths and motivations, and the many ways you positively impact others. AI also works great as a group process, so if you want you can ask family, friends, and coworkers to recollect "high points" of how you have affected them in a positive way. If you get any of that kind of feedback, please include it in your four paragraphs below.

Looking back on my life as a young adult (and before), I've really been blessed despite my love for bitching about things. I have a very strong emotional base in my immediate and extended family should I need it, I've been gifted with several talents, and really haven't had that terrible an existence.

My ability to listen to people and offer honest thoughts and suggestions has helped me forge lasting friendships with some great people, and my amiable disposition as well as my tendency to dive headlong into things I am passionate about have landed me in a committed relationship with the woman I love more than anything. While I've had wants, I've always gotten what I needed. Now that I'm more or less on my own that might start to change, but I have faith that somehow things will manage to work out.

Memorable times in my life include auditioning for and being accepted into All-County Concert Bands and Jazz Ensembles, being accepted by my significant other, making it all the way to Arizona on a wish and a prayer to chase a dream, and having a baby sister born in the winter of my 13th year. One of those things I had nothing to do with, but the rest required more than a little hard work, dedication, and a lot of luck (as unlucky as I generally am). The senses of accomplishment I felt during and after these events was fulfilling and gratifying in a way that few other things are.

Looking back on the things that HAVE gone right in my life, it's clear to me that they were not acheived through procrastination and lollygagging (though, most of them did involve quite a bit of both). If I want to repeat these experiences, then I need to learn to do what it takes in order to acheive the things I want most in life.

3. General Tips for Making Diary Entries On This Page
You can make entries in this diary as frequently as you would like. Some people record mainly the high points of their life in their online diaries, but if you take time to share some of your "low points" and difficulties as well, your diary will become a very powerful tool for both self-discovery and self-creation. Even if you only make a very brief entry once a month or after major experiences (the minimum recommendation), going back and reviewing your diary after you've been using it for a year or two will give you many new insights into the meaning of your life, and ways to improve it.

Most people keep their personal diaries private but share excerpts of them publicly on occasion, by printouts, email, blogs, etc. Keeping a regular diary is called "journalling," and those who keep them are called "journalists" (of the personal rather than public kind) or diarists. If you want more tips on keeping a personal diary (very brief or very detailed, as you prefer) as a tool for self-improvement, Journal to the Self, Kathleen Adams, 1990, is a great futures book with many tips on the process, and is highly recommended. Happy journaling!
No writing for this item, just reading.

4. Advice: Consider Setting Upa Personal Photo Diary in 2008
Flickr, Picasa, and other online social photoblogging or mobile blogging (moblogging) sites or software platforms are great ways for you to start creating a "documented life," recording the highlights of your experiences for yourself or your friends. Like a physical diary, looking back and reviewing some of your peak experiences in your photodiary can be very helpful to self-discovery, self-creation, and goalsetting. If you make any of your moblogging albums public, this is also a great way to share your life with your extended family and friends, and vice versa. For a good example of a leading Silicon Valley techie's photoblogging community, see Steve Jurvetson's Flickr Pics.

The most convenient way to do this is with a cameraphone that has at least 3 megapixels, and which will automatically download your pictures to your photoblogging site. You can tag, caption and share these photos and videos later, if at all. Unfortunately only a few phones meet this requirement today, and they are typically expensive ($400 and up). Furthermore, a number of high-end phones will be adding GPS capacity next year, which will make moblogging even more interesting (being able to share pics and videos as events are happening, sortable by location). Google's YouTube plans to add video mobloggingfeatures in 2008, which will allow any YouTube user to upload brief videos for other YouTube users. This should be very popular for sharing videos for family members, etc.
No writing for this item, just reading.

Ready to start using this wiki page for your personal Diary/Journal? Go ahead and start writing at the top of this page once you've finished these assignments. May you have a happy, peaceful and productive future!

The Quest Begins Here (or at least its chronicling does)

Steve_Olender — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 17:27:29 CDT

Glory-bound Fame hound

Ravings of the Doomed & Delusional

Well, I knew with a face like mine that I was destined for fame (or infamy), and indeed, I've been found! The proof is in the pudding, as they say, and since you're here and have proven me right, I think I'll go enjoy some. Butterscotch pudding, now that's my favorite. Since I'm always grateful for an opportunity to consume that which is the most glorious of amorphous gelatinous desserts, I extend my thanks to you for visiting.

If you're wondering what this is all about, allow me to explain. One of my classes during my first semester at UAT was a Futures Studies course called, "Foresight Development". It's taught by a really enthusiastic futurist who is actually the President of the Accelration Studies Foundation, a non-profit organization whose aim is to promote an understanding of the ways in which our world is accelerating and engender useful foresight and planning skills in individuals and organizations. His name is John Smart. This wiki is a result of taking that course, as creating our own "futures wiki" is the final assignment in the class. This page is meant to help me develop foresight skills by keeping track of my goals and progress, career options, and even just cool shit that I find coming down the pipe.

As you can probably tell, the site's a little threadbare at the moment. But never fear, my faithful compatriots! It is under construction (pardon my dust, or gas, or anything else unpleasant that I may emit while in your presence), and will be ready for your perusal and contributions any day now. My thanks for your patience, it shall be rewarded (depending greatly upon how loose your definition of the term, "reward" happens to be)!

Social & Fun

Steve_Olender — Fri, 09 May 2008 15:28:33 CDT

Social and Fun – PFP Assignments

1. Recreation List
It’s great to have a place where you list things you have done or want to try that are both social and fun, things you can do for “re-creation”… of yourself. Have you ever hiked in Yellowstone, Zion, or Yosemite? Gone cross country skiing? Run a LAN party? Played in a tournament at a D&D convention? Danced all night at a rave? Gone to Burning Man? Partied at GDC? Gone to an LoTR, Star Wars, or other film fest? What have you done so far with friends (one to many), or what do you want to try, that is both social and fun? Keep a list of these special things here, and make sure you get them in your schedule on a regular basis. Use them as rewards for your accomplishments. A well lived life is as much about celebration and recreation as it is about learning, building skills and working hard. Enjoy! (list 1 “Re-Creation” item).

One of my favorite pastimes of late is playing Rock Band. This is an awesome rock band simulation game, much like the famous Guitar Hero only with more available instruments and songs that are the master track originals instead of sloppy covers. You can play guitar, bass guitar, drums, or even sing along to your favorite rock songs, and it's a great party game.

As of now, I can play most songs on guitar at Expert level, except for some of the hardest songs. I can drum some songs on Expert, most only on Hard. I can play Bass on Expert on most songs, and there are very, very few songs that I cannot pass singing on Expert.

I love the challenge of doing my favorite songs justice, and hanging out with my buddies while I do it is a pretty good time. If you have the money/time/social circle, I highly recommend it.

Seeing as I lack transportation and funds at the moment, my options for recreation are rather limited. Other than browsing the internet, playing video games, and watching movies, though, I do participate in activites here on campus (either school-sponsored, or just with other students). I play D&D with a regular group, every so often I play Ultimate Frisbee on Sunday nights, I've played tennis with Katie and another fellow student, I've taken part in school-sponsored Dodgeball Tournaments, I've played Nurf Warz at the school, etc. I don't get out terribly much, but I do try to keep myself from going insane.

Ready to start using this wiki page to record and reflect on your Social and Fun activities? Go ahead and start writing at the top of this page once you've finished these assignments. May you have a happy, meaningful, and friend-filled future!

Personal Mastery Plan

Steve_Olender — Fri, 09 May 2008 15:16:57 CDT

PERSONAL MASTERY PLAN
YEAR 1 - 2007

CONFRONTING THE BRUTAL FACTS

The first step in this process is to write down exactly how you feel today. What is going on in your life, what is important, how you feel about your life and your self. Keep this to one page. Now if you are not capable of doing this honestly, than that is alright, approach this from an academic or professional standpoint. It would be best if you took some time with this part and try to express what is really going on so when you read this a year from now you will trigger important memories.

At this point in my life, I’m going through a rough transition. I just moved 2500 miles from home with my fiancée, lost my car in the process, and am several thousand dollars in debt (not counting student loans that will have to be paid once I graduate).

Financially, I’m in trouble. This is the first time I’ve been without a job since I was 15, and finding one here is turning out to be increasingly difficult. I’m overdue on several personal loan payments, being harassed about them, massively overdrawn on my checking account, and behind on credit card payments. Suffice it to say that this is one area where I especially need to get my shit together. Currently I’m in the interview process for a Library Aide position here at UAT, so hopefully that turns out for the better and I can start getting back on my feet.

Academically, I’m doing passably well, but not as well as I’d like to be. There is at least one class that I’m going to fail this semester, and that’s not really a great way to kick off my career here. I’m doing better than I did during my 5 semesters at Buffalo State, but I still have problems with procrastination and organization. I’m going to have to step things up and focus myself if I’m really going to excel here.

Emotionally, I’m in a bit of a confusing spot. Katie and I have gone on this life-altering journey together, but things are not perfect between us. They never were, but I find myself unsure of how to handle myself in light of the current circumstances. A year ago I left her, and the simplest explanation is because she was addicted to WoW. That hasn’t changed. She quit in order to get me back, but 6 months later she was near-begging me to let her play again. I decided to trust her to control herself this time around. I’m the kind of person who would rather give the benefit of the doubt than be unreasonable. Well, things were ok for a bit, but it quickly degenerated into her playing 10 or more hours a day on average once we settled in here. This brings back some very bad memories for me, and affects me in an extremely negative way. And yet, for all we’ve been through, she doesn’t seem to care. We have our good times, but the more she plays WoW the fewer and farther between they come. I’m not really sure how things are going to work out, at times.

Personally, I think I’ve developed quite a bit in a short amount of time since coming here. I’ve let myself regress somewhat, but my outlook on life and my relationship has changed. I still fall back on a lot of the old bad habits when things get stressful, especially between Katie and me, but I’m much more self-aware these days, I have a lot more clarity, and I’m more determined to get what I want – and what I deserve.

Setting your vision

Step 2 – Setting your vision, this step is much like the first except instead of writing about what is happening today, what will you write one year from today? What does your life look like, how do you feel, what have you accomplished in the last year? It can be descriptive, like my room is clean, my bills are paid or it can be reflective like how you completed your goals. Keep this to one page.

After having landed the Library Aide position, my focus and drive to succeed increased dramatically. I managed to begin paying off my debts, and even to save some money as well. I’m not exactly wealthy or prepared for an emergency, but I’m a lot more financially stable than I was a year ago. At least I’m back in the black.

My job is going well; I get along great with the Librarians, and I enjoy helping students find what they need and keeping the place orderly. It’s not very much or very hard work and I’m making decent money at it. Since I’m not swamped with too many hours like I used to be back in Buffalo, I am able to focus on getting my school work done and still have some time to relax and goof off.

During my second semester here I took filler classes due to my failure to register early, but I made damn sure that I stayed on top of my work and learned everything I could. After a somewhat shaky start, I managed to finish the semester with four A’s and a B. I also remembered to register right early, and during the summer semester I finally got down to some classes that are important to my major. I did nearly as well as my second semester, and managed to be a bit more physically active as well. I’ve lost 15 pounds since last December.

The room mate and I got along much better, through the end of last year, though I think he and Katie still hated each other. Speaking of Katie, she’s still playing WoW. For a long while we avoided another apocalyptic blow-out over her addiction, but it came inevitably, around the middle of the summer. She didn’t want to lose me because of it again (though she nearly did), so after quitting for 2 months, she’s playing lightly on a trial-basis. Last-chance kind of scenario. I think once she realizes that playing isn’t worth risking our relationship anymore, she’ll give it up. It’ll help that she’s starting to get more homework the further into our education we get, too.

Personally? I’ve rarely been happier with myself or my situation. I’m even more aware than I was beginning to be last year, I’m nowhere near as confused about my feelings or about what I want out of this place, and I’ve got more self-confidence and motivation than I can ever remember having. I’m even writing again, and working on publishing some of my poetry. With the money I’ve saved over the past year, I’m treating myself to the upcoming Tool concert in January. I haven’t seen them since 2003, and I am stoked.

I’m getting it together, and it feels great. I’m glad I did it before it was too late.

Your Personal Mission Statement

Who are you? What do you want to be known as? What matters to you? What do you want your family and peers to think about when you come up in a conversation? Write your personal mission statement; look at your discussion answers from earlier in the semester if you get stuck. This statement will be used to help you when making life changing decisions.

My mission is to secure a comfortable life for myself and my fiancée, and to live according to the virtues I tattooed to the back of my neck when I was seventeen: “Wisdom; Justice; Benevolence; Fidelity; Sincerity.” I want to always be there for the people I love, and I want to make a positive impact on people I’ve never met. I want to be known for loving freely, laughing often, and speaking honestly.

Your Values and Philosophy

Your values are those non-negotiable things that matter most to you. You do have values, they shape the way you see the world and how you judge your environment. Going through the exercise of writing down those things that matter most can help you when faced with ethical and life decisions, you will do that here. Philosophy statements are mottos that we can cling to, they can help us face life’s challenges. If you have trouble of thinking of one, just pick up any action movie, every hero has a philosophy, Big Trouble in little China is a great movie for that. Learn. Experience. Innovate. That is UAT’s motto. What is yours?

Values

I am a person who values honesty, integrity, sincerity, loyalty, humor, and wisdom. I value love probably above all things. What matters most to me at the moment is building the foundation for a secure and stable life with my significant other. The less she has to worry about or want for, the better. I guess that would mean that I value accommodating others to a degree, as well. I feel that the ideal society would be one in which everyone considered others' needs on par with or before their own.

Philosophy

You never have to worry about dying with clean underwear on if you always go commando.

Strenghts – weaknesses – opportunities – threats

Time to SWOT yourself! This exercise should be done as honestly as possible, what you will find as you do this year after year is that you have difficulty telling the truth about yourself. You get better at this with practice. What you do is write out your strengths, weaknesses, the opportunities that you can see in front of you (ie, network and set up a dream internship) and finally write down those things in life that are threats or risks to your success. I have provided 12 entries for each, this gives you one a month to overcome in the next year. You do not have to completely fill this out but try.

Strengths	Weaknesses	Opportunities	Threats
Compassionate	Martyr Syndrome	Library Aid Job	World of Warcraft
Genuine	Lazy	Success in School	Procrastination
Intelligent	Careless	Get in Shape	Junk Food
Belief	Lack of self-confidence	Get an Internship	Paranoia
Problem-solving	Lack of direction	Get a Good Job after Graduation	Fear and Inaction

Strategies to overcome

You just evaluated your current condition through a SWOT analysis. This tool is used quite often in business so don’t be surprised if you have to do this in your next job. The analysis isn’t done until you can summarize each column and come up with ways or mechanisms to maximize your strengths, strengthen weaknesses, seize opportunity, and mitigate risks.

How I will maximize my strengths:

Seek roles in which I am paid to solve problems or in which my success depends on my ability to restore and resolve. Leverage my Restorative talents not only to tackle existing problems, but also to anticipate and prevent problems before they occur. If I share my foresight and solutions with others, I will prove myself to be a valuable partner.
Organize my belongings and thoughts to maximize efficiency. As I gather and absorb information, I should be aware of the individuals and groups that can most benefit from my knowledge, and be intentional about sharing with them. Carefully avoid supporting someone (including myself) who is consistently struggling in his or her role – instead suggest a new role.

How I will strengthen my weaknesses:

Don't over-invest in losing causes. My natural inclination to see the best in people and situations can create a blind spot that will keep me from moving on to more opportune situations.
Remind myself why my work is important and how it will make a difference in my life.
Set aside time to ensure that I am balancing my work demands and my personal life.

How I will seize my opportunities:

Deliberately build relationships with people I consider to be "big thinkers." Their example will inspire me to focus my own thinking.
Get involved on the front end of projects and initiatives, rather than jumping in at the execution stage.
Don't be afraid to give voice to my values. This will help others know who you are and how to relate to me.

How I will mitigate my risks:

Partner with someone who has strong Futuristic talents. This person can energize me by painting a vivid picture of the direction in which my values will lead.
Remember that I cannot give what I do not have.
Use my Restorative talents to think of ways to "problem proof" my work and my life. Identify existing and potential issues, and design systems or processes to prevent errors in the future.
Goal setting

Write down a list of goals you want to accomplish in the next year. Make sure this is not a to-do list, but a list of goals that you can accomplish. Try and make them SMART (Google SMART goals). Don’t try to make too many and try to best to make them challenging but achievable.

Goals for 2008

1) Utilize the exercise room I live next door to at least twice a week and lose 15 pounds in the next 12 months to get in shape and improve self-image à self-confidence.
2) Maintain a regular blog (at least one post per week) to record my insights, ideas, and experiences that might be valuable to me in the future.
3) Regiment my time to make more effective use of it and increase efficiency in school and work. This means keeping and actively following a schedule.
4) Write regularly (at least 3 times per week) to improve writing so that I may at least begin the publication process in the next 12 months.
5) Foster better financial habits so that I can rise out of debt and start saving.

Managing Creative Tension: tactical Planning

Now that you have a list of goals, how are you going to get there? Tactical planning is a tool that helps you stay on target. For business planning purposes we report on our tactical plans each month. For the purpose of personal mastery, I am not intending you to look at this document for a year, so this exercise is a mental one that will hopefully yield some check-list items for you.

List your first goal here: Lose 20 lbs.
Describe the ideal outcome: What will it look like when this goal is complete?
I will have lost the chub, the love-handles, and will be able to see the inside of my belly-button again. I will have gained muscle mass and look more toned.
Resources: What are you going to need in order to accomplish this goal?
I will need the weight room next to my room, as well as a scale and a way to record progress. Real food, instead of the crap I’m used to eating.
Tactical Plans
What are you going to do: Work out at least twice a week next door, possibly more if I get bored or if I don’t think it’s enough. I will improve my eating habits, as well – less junk food and soda; more water, juice, fruit, and vegetables.
Then what: Weigh myself once a week and record the results in a Google Doc so that I have a running record of my progress.

List your next goal here: Maintain a regular blog.
Describe the ideal outcome: What will it look like when this goal is complete?
I will have gained considerable self-awareness, insight, and possibly ideas for creative writing.
Resources: What are you going to need in order to accomplish this goal?
I will need to either make use of my Wiki page that I have already created, or create an entirely new page dedicated solely to blogging. I will also need to allot time for this acitivity.
Tactical Plans
What are you going to do: Take the time each week (or more often, if the spirit moves me) to record my thoughts, ideas, and experiences.
Then what: After some time I will review my writings and reflect upon their significance and think about how they might be useful or valuable to me.

List your next goal here: Regiment my time to increase efficiency and focus.
Describe the ideal outcome: What will it look like when this goal is complete?
I will have become more time-conscious, and learned how to manage my time effectively as well as balance personal concerns with academic or work concerns.
Resources: What are you going to need in order to accomplish this goal?
I will need to make use of my Google calendar and perhaps my cell phone’s calendar as well to give me mobile, to-the-minute reminders of what I should be doing and when.
Tactical Plans
What are you going to do: Keep track of important appointments and due dates using Google calendar, and keep a regular routine including time for assignments, personal time, time with Katie, and time to sleep.
Then what: While attempting to adhere to my regimen I will likely encounter disruptions and unexpected circumstances that will require me to step outside my schedule. Hopefully I will learn to adapt my time to these instances and become flexible while maintaining a schedule (still finding time to get done everything that needs to be done).

List your next goal here: Write regularly.
Describe the ideal outcome: What will it look like when this goal is complete?
I will have gained a considerable amount of new material, developed some of my old material, and be on my way toward publication.
Resources: What are you going to need in order to accomplish this goal?
I will need to requisition a quiet place and time to facilitate my writing. I will also need to make use of my peers on deviantArt to obtain critiques and advice on how to improve my writing. I will need something to write in, as well; likely a notebook and pencil set aside specifically for weekly writing.
Tactical Plans
What are you going to do: Take the time a few times each week (or more often, if the spirit moves me) to write creatively.
Then what: Submit my writings to deviantArt as deviations and maybe even contest submissions in order to obtain others’ thoughts on how to improve my writing. After nearly a year, I will evaluate the poetry and prose I have collected and see if I find any of it publication-worthy.

List your next goal here: Foster better financial habits.
Describe the ideal outcome: What will it look like when this goal is complete?
I will have gained considerable ground in the steady climb out of debt. I will also have accumulated savings for the first time since I was a teenager.
Resources: What are you going to need in order to accomplish this goal?
I will need a job, and I will need self-restraint to ensure that I’m using my money wisely and saving appropriately. It would also behoove me to keep an excel spreadsheet documenting all my expenses and income for a few months so I can get an idea of my monthly or weekly budget.
Tactical Plans
What are you going to do: Land the library job. If for some reason I don’t get the job, then actively and daily pursue other employment options in the area and study interviewing techniques to improve my chances of being hired.
Then what: Save, save, save. Make my payments on time. Keep track of spending habits and income, and formulate a budget for myself.

Let the time delay begin

All you need to do is upload this into the drop box and you are done with PRO102. In 12 months I will send this file to you via your UAT email account. You can do two things with it, delete it or read it and do this exercise every year and measure your personal growth. Overtime, you can adopt your own style and mechanisms but hopefully you will at least take one moment a year to reflect on what you thought was important a year ago and what is important to you now. My hope is that over time you will be able to see real growth, personally and professionally. Good Luck!

Remember; when we set goals for the future the gap between time and effort create stress, emotional and creative. Emotional stress is managed by creating tactical plans and check lists; this prevents us from lowering the gap by changing our goals or lowering our vision. To make the vision for the future current reality we must take steps to change, but these changes come with a time delay. As long as we are stuck in a time delay, and we have taken steps to change, all we can do it wait.

Future

Steve_Olender — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 14:47:42 CST

The center for all which WILL BE Steve

All things will be encompassed here

This page is your guide to the second half of the site: all pages concerning my outlook on the relevant future. Here you'll get an idea of my ambitions, dreams, and steps I'm taking to realize them. Browse these pages if you want a glimpse of what's on the horizon (and, well, since I'm so great and will one day rule the world, everything on the horizon will have to do with me; obviously).

Pages found in this section will include:

Career Goals
Education
Projects & Skills
Networking
Companies & Internships
Mentors
Ideas & Questions
Personal Mastery Plan

In the "Career Goals" page, you'll find documentation of my potential career goals, desires, possibilities, objectives, and how they will play into my overall life goals.

Following that page is the page marked, "Education". This will detail what pieces of paper denoting that I know crap (ahem, degrees) I have, what classes I'm taking, what I think of them, my class schedule, and future course considerations. So, for all you back in good ol' Buffalo and Canuckland who are wondering exactly what it is I'm doing at this ridiculously expensive school all the way out in Arizona, that will give you the breakdown.

The "Projects & Skills" page will keep you up-to-date on projects (either class-related orextra-curricular) I'm involved with, as well as skills or talents I have that I feel make me unique (and maybe even approaching valuable).

The "Networking" page is next, giving a description of groups I happen to belong to, conferences I have attended and will attend in the future, and any industry connections I manage to make with professionals and insiders.

The next page will be related to the "Networking" page, but the "Companies & Internships" page will be more specifically focused on companies I am interested in being a part of (instead of necessarily already having ties with). This page will include company profiles, site visits / reviews, potential / established contacts, as well as internship oppotunities and schedules.

"Mentors" is the page after that, and, as the name suggests, will keep track of people I feel I could greatly benefit and learn from -- industry leaders, advisers, helpers, etc. This will also, like my "Networking" page, keep a running history of communications with contacts.

Next comes the "Ideas & Questions" page. Most of you know that I was formerly a philosophy major for two years, so this page is likely to be quite full. It will most likely contain any ideas I might like to look into, and ethical, procedural, technical, etc. questions I have about issues and areas of the industry. These might be personal or business related. Also, this will probably be my dump page for "cool shit coming down the pipe" as mentioned on the front page -- present and futuristic stuff that I find really freaking cool, and want to research at some point down the line.

Lastly there is my "Personal Mastery Plan". This page is a record of a final project for one of my other classes, Professional Skills Development 102. It is a 1-year road map of where I would like to be 12 months from now (December 2007) and how I plan to get there. Its use will likely be an annual recurrence.

There you have it! Me, and Me to come, for your perusing pleasure! Happy browsing.

Family & Friends

Steve_Olender — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 22:03:39 CST

Family and Friends - PFP Assignments

1. Family and Friend Circles.
List the names (and optional contact info, if you have a private wiki) of two categories of important people in your social universe, such as:
A) Family (your family by relation)
B) Friends (your best and more distant friends)

OR two alternative titles, such as:
A) My Tribe/Clan/Gang/Family (best friends and close family)
B) ExtendedFamily (more distant friends and family, but not acquaintances)
Try to come up with at least10 names for Category A and 20 names for Category B. If you are in any social groups (Facebook, etc.) take a look at those to find some of these names. List the names in alpha order, by first or last name as you prefer. (2 lists)

Family:

Mom (Maasha, Maasha, Maasha!) > + Mom taught me the value of being grateful for what I have... and for eating my veggies. ;)
Dave > ~ for some reason, we just seem to clash on our basic world view much of the time. We get along pretty well when we gang up on Mom, though ;), and when we both put on our, "Fuck that" hats.
Rachel > + Rachel taught me to appreciate what a royal PITA I was when I was younger.
Kitty > + Kitty taught me the value of love, and laughter.
Grandpa Irv > + Irv taught me the value of getting situated. ;)
Grandma Ruth > + I think Grandma is where I derive most of my values about honesty and integrity.
Betty> + Betty has taught me to think critically, and to really examine my relationships with people.
Mark < + Mark has always been a free-thinker, and cares deeply about his family despite some frustrating exchanges.
Matt < + Matt is also something of a free mind, but more of a goofball. It's from him I learned the value of a sense of humor.
Mike < + Mike is the biggest goofball of my three Uncles, but I learned my solid, blue-collar values from him: the value of family and hard work. ...and a good can of beer, ha ha.
Missy > + Missy was always an inspiration to me. Her integrity mirrors that of my Grandmother's, and I've never met anyone with as much compassion as she.
Joanne < + Jo is probably the biggest free spirit in the family, and it's from her I learned the value of loosening up and of loving other people - most notably, my family.
Brenda > + Brenda taught me the value of discipline. Believe it.
Dina <
Danny <
Cassy <
Katie >
Uncle Dan <
Uncle Bob <
Aunt Rosemary <
Joe <
Grandpa Olender <
Grandma Olender <

Friends:

Benny > + Benny has time and time again taught me the value of loyalty.
Pat > (S) gaming skillz, ha ha
Brittany > + Brit has time and time again taught me the value of honesty, and encouraged me to look at the world in different ways. (S) writing skills (C)
Sarah > + Sarah taught me the value of having a good time.
Danielle > + Danielle taught me the value of friendship, and laughter. (S) critical thinking (C)
Ellen < + Ellen taught me to think for myself. (S) free-thinking (C)
Kathy > + Kathy taught me the value of compassion, and of putting others before oneself. She also taught me how imperative it is to know what exactly what one wants, and to have the drive to do whatever it takes to have it. (S) sympathy, dedication, and emotional clarity (C)
Matt < + Matt taught me that faith isn't such a bad thing.
Sean-Michael < + Sean-Michael taught me the value of humor, of friendship, and of passion.
Stephanie >
Schwing > + Schwing taught me the value of reliability. (S) analytical skills (C)
Will >
Chown > + Chown has also taught me the value of reliability, and of dedication.
Trillian <
Yvon <
Fausto < + Fausto taught me the value of being myself.
Jesse <
Boo > + My dearest Boo taught me the value of free-thinking, exploring new worlds, and of having a passion for life.
Chuck (Kristal) < + Chuck taught me a lot about passion for what matters most to a person.
Tocu > + Tocu taught me the value of dreaming. (D) creative vision (C)
Ben >
Tom >
Ki-chan > + Ki-chan taught me the value of sensitivity.
dmizer (Dale) > + Dale taught me the value of cutting through the bullshit. (D) concision and logical clarity (C)
neph (Dave) >
Brit > + Brit taught me the beauty of feeling, and of expression. (S) self-expression (C)
Juno >
Mike W. >
Cory <
Adam <
Brad <
Keith <
Addy >
Jackson >
Amanda C. <
AVolatileCalm >
Ball > + Ball taught me the value of dedication to a dream. (D) dedication (C)

2. Enlarging Your Social Groups.
Look at your two relationship circles above. Are they each an appropriate size for your interests and goals in life? The anthropologist Robin Dunbar estimates we can maintain strong social relationships, where we know who each person is and how they relate socially to others, with as many as 150 people (Dunbar's number) at a time. How close are you to "maximizing" your relationship potential? Would it be helpful to you to have more friends in either circle? Go back and add at least two (2) potential Category A and (4) potential Category B friends or family to your circles. Put these individuals names in italics. Potential Category A could befolks like cousins, aunts, uncles, in-laws, etc. that may be far away or otherwise distanced from you. Or they could be people you've been thinking could become a good friend, but you haven't put the effort into getting to know them. Do you want to contact any of these folks? If so, write this down on your Tasks page.
Add your potential names in italics to your F&F lists above...

3. Strengthening Your Social Groups - Communication.
Go back to your list above and classify them in two ways: a) Close Contact and b) Occasional Contact Family&Friends. Close Contact Family&Friends are folks you currently see or contact (in person, phone, email, IM, etc.) 10 or more times a year. Put a > (greater than sign) after the names of all the folks you presently contact more than 10 times a year (be honest), and a < (less than sign) after the names of all those you contact less than 10 times a year. Now ask yourself: Are any of these folks in the wrong category (A versus B)? Do you want to move them, so their category better reflects your actual communication patterns with them? If not, do you want to contact some of them more frequently in the future? Some of them less? If so, write this down on your Tasks page.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...

4. Personal Characteristics of Your Family and Friends.
a. Shared and Conflicting Values. Look again at your values statement on your Values+Psych page (finish it on that page if necessary before returning here). Now look at your lists above. Typically, all your family and friends will share most of your core values to a reasonable degree, but a few will share them to the point of inspiring you (they may even live them better than you presently do, in your estimation), and another few will not share many at all (to the point of causing unproductive conflict, because you each see some basic things about the world very differently). Put a + (plus sign) after the name of any family member or friend who really inspires you with their values, and a ~ (approximate symbol) after their name of any whose values may led to unproductive conflict for you. For each of these two special categories of friends (+ and ~) write a few words after their name that describe why they are positively inspirational (or approximate) friends for you, at present. If you don't have any friends in either of these categories, think about how you can widen your circle of friends until you have a few in each category.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...

b. Strengths. Thinking about all of your friends in terms of StrengthsFinder, write a few words (at least one or two words for each person) after each of their names that describe something about either their values or their strengths that you admire (like "optimistic", or "kind," or "a great competitor" or "always learning"). Discovering people's values and strengths is an ongoing process. People display their values and strengths even more by theirbehaviors than by what they say. Watch both carefully and you can understandwho they presently are, as well as who they wish, or think they are, which is often a very different thing.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...

c. Shared and Diverse Skills. Look again at your goals on your Career Goals page (finish writing them there if necessary before returning here). Do you have an appropriate number of friends who share your most-valued skills relative to your goals, so you can help each other improve? Which friends share your skills? Note them with an (S) in your list above, and a word or two describing the skills you share (coding, hacking, design, networking, etc.). Now ask a different question: Among your friend circle, how broad is the set of useful skills that are relevant to achieving your current goals? Which friends have totally different but still goal-relevant skills from you? Note them with a (D) in your list above, and a word or two describing these skills. If you cultivate friends that have unique skills that are also important to your goals, you will have many more opportunities to do projects and startups with your friends. If you don't, your only option will be to go to work for others who are not your friends. No matter which of these two courses (working with friends or strangers) you chose at any point in your life (and both can work quite well), it is very good, whenever you can manage it, to always have both options available to you. People with alternatives can always negotiate their terms "from a position of strength."
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...

d. Critical Thinking. Do you have friends who respectfully help you examine and improve your beliefs, and think critically? Note them with a (C) for critical thinking in your list above. Socrates said "An unexamined life is not worth living." Miguel Aznar said "An unexamined (blindly held) principle or belief is not worth having." Cultivating friends who gently help you examine your beliefs and decisions will improve the quality of your life, as long as their criticisms don't tear you down or their egos don't try to control you.
Annotate the names in your F&F lists above...

e. "Problem" Family and Friends. "Problem" or "Project" friends may share your core values but they have communication, personality, or behavior clashes with you. That means it is often a "project" on your part to hang out with them. These folks may enjoy communicating with you (i.e., you give them something by communicating with them) but, relative to you, you find them controlling, apathetic, depressed, manic, too optimistic, too pessimistic, too critical (of themselves or others), rude, too loud, too quiet, etc. We may wish to just avoid all such individuals, but it greatly helps us learn patience and empathy, and allows us to do good for others, to have a few such individuals in our friend circle. Of course, you don't want too many or you won't be able to maintain your own equilibrium. You also need to find the right balance of time that you spend with such friends. Again, too much time isn't good for either of you, but too little time and you miss the opportunity help someone who may really need and value your friendship. If you have a private wiki, label any project friends or family with a (P) after their name. Write a few words next to their name about why it's hard to communicate with them, but also why it's worthwhile, and how often you plan to stay in touch with them.

Since this is not a private wiki, I'd rather not post anything that could be potentially offensive or disrespectful. I know who they are, and to what degree.

6. Foresight Story.
Pick one of your family or friends above and tell us a very brief story about someone who is either particularly foresighted in their personal or professional life (a model of future thinking), or someone who did some particular thing which seemed to you especially foresighted, showed good planning, etc. Can you learn anything from this story for your own life? (1 paragraph)

Tocu is actually pretty future-minded, being the dreamer of the bunch. He is possessed of a grand vision, and he just might have the balls to do what he dreams. He makes grandiose, abstract plans in his head, and somehow has the networking skills to carry them out, somewhat. We still need to get famous making that webcomic about our lives, now that I think about it.

7. Lack-of-Foresight Story.
Again, pick one of your family or friends and tell a brief story about something they did (or presently do) in their personal or professional life which didn't (doesn't) seem particularly foresighted. Can you learn anything from this story for your own life? (1 paragraph)

Benny and Chown have never been particularly strong with foresight. Benny went to a vocational school to learn a business trade, showing that he has the security of his future in mind, but since he graduated he has bounced from job to job, and sometimes I am concerned that he won't ever find a stable career. This is mostly due to the nature of his work (building trades). Perhaps once he has a decent amount of experience in the field, he will be better off. Chown is dedicated to people and causes that are important to him, but he lacks a strong sense of what he wants in an occupation. He, too, has bounced from job to job since he left the military, and this also is due to the temporary nature of the jobs he takes up.

8. Your Relationships - Future.
What kind of long-term relationships do you want to develop in your life? What are the first descriptive words (adjectives, verbs, nouns) that come to mind? Do you want a “significant other?” Marriage? Kids? None of the above? If you already have any of these, how you want to improve your relationships with family and friends going forward? If you want and are still waiting for a “significant other,” what values, talents, and personality characteristics do you think will best “complement” you in a partner? If you don't have some of those values, talents, and personality characteristics in your present partner, how can you get them? Through your friends? By building them in yourself? By paying someone to provide them in a professional capacity? By asking your partner if they are willing to help you get them? (2 paragraphs)

I've already developed the one long-term relationship I've always desired for my life, and that is with Kitty. I want to be married, and yes, to her. I want at least one child, but I'm not sure it's in the cards considering Kitty's dislike for children. I'd like to strengthen my relationship with my family, especially my extended family. I feel I've grown apart from them as I've gotten older and past childhood, and I honestly miss them. I remember being a kid and always wanting to have adult relationships with them. They're just fun people that I have always admired, and wanted to be a part of their "circle," I guess.

Sometimes it seems that Kitty and I aren't the perfect compliment for each other, but we make things work. We care deeply for each other, and even though there are things about the other (habits, personality flaws, etc.) that we can't stand, we function well enough. I think I do a decent job of balancing out the things she lacks that I want through my friends. Also, I am working to garner those talents, skills, and values in myself, so that even if I cannot influence her to develop them, at least I will not be left wanting.

Cassies new room - courtesy of Brenda

Values & Psychology

Steve_Olender — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 08:35:36 CST

Values, Personality, and Psychology - Assignments

1. Write a very brief outline of your Values. What qualities in people, ways of living, ideas, priorities, things do you care most about? Another way of uncovering your values is to talk about what you see in other people's actions that you DON'T like. Some of your core values may be the exact opposite of that. (1 para)

I am a person who values honesty, integrity, sincerity, loyalty, humor, and wisdom. I value love probably above all things. What matters most to me at the moment is building the foundation for a secure and stable life with my significant other. The less she has to worry about or want for, the better. I guess that would mean that I value accommodating others to a degree, as well. I feel that the ideal society would be one in which everyone considered others' needs on par with or before their own.

2. StrengthsFinder 2.0 Profile:

Restorative
Input
Developer
Belief
Intellection

According to Strengths Finder, I'm someone who is problem-oriented. As a Restorative person I like solving problems, yes, but more to the point I like correcting situations. I thrive off of bringing things back to life, figuratively speaking. I'm also a collector of things: words, information, many useless things that may someday prove useful in the most unexpected ways. This is my Input side. One of the primary ways I like to interact with people, as a Developer, is to recognize their potential and try to push them to realize it. I have to be careful, though, not to push people to remain in situations that they don't fit in. This is especially true for myself. Though my main focus is conflict-avoidance and -resolution, sometimes the best idea is to just GTFO. I have very strong core values as a person who is strong in theBelief field, and these values give my life and daily interactions meaning and satisfaction. I strongly value responsibility, accountability, loyalty, and altruism, especially in others. This gives me consistence and well-defined priorities, and makes me easy to trust (or so it tells me). Finally, as someone strong in Intellection, I like to think. Duh. Mental exercise is great for me, though this does not mean that my thoughts are necessarily focused. I might think about all manner of things -- Intellection recognizes my enjoyment of thinking, not what I'm thinking. This tends to make me very introspective, and such constant questioning might at times lead to feelings of discontent.

3. DiSC Profile:

As an Si, my dominant traits (according to DiSC) are 'Steadiness' and 'Influence'. This, to me, is an interesting combination, because it allows for a few significant conflicts of character.

As a High-S, I am patient, loyal, and sympathetic. I care sincerely about the problems of others. As such (and considering my values set is less valued by American society than other, more self-centered value sets) I am best suited to fill a support role. I tend to agree with this. I always thought I was the main character in my own story, but as I've grown I've begun to feel that I am more and more suited to being a supporting character in someone else's. I have a tendency to resist change, and prefer predictability and consistence. This is true, but often it makes my life feel grey, and I become depressed for not having a more active, adventurous life and relationships. Also, I have a need for clear direction and constant support, leaving me with a furstrating lack of independence. I avoid conflict wherever possible because I desire a peaceful, harmonic existence -- hoswever, this can also trap me in situations that are not beneficial to me.

As an I, I am supposed to be extroverted, outgoing, and socially warm. I am generally gregarious and amiable towards others, however I am not extremely extroverted or outgoing. It takes a bit of coaxing to get me out of my shell, since I fear rejection. Being an I can make me irrational and impulsive at times, and certain types of people don't know how to deal with that, and don't easily understand me or where I'm coming from. I am very trusting and genuine, and this openness can also be awkward -- I often come off as tactless. However, I tend to engender positive relationships with people once I've had a chance to explain myself out of this corner. I lack diplomacy, but I am still a good communicator.

4. Take the Humanmetrics “Jung Typology” (Myers-Briggs) Online Test
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

A. What is your four-letter Myers-Briggs Type (in Pink Capital Letters?) What is your qualitative analysis (slightly, moderately, or distinctively expressed ) for each of the four types? Cut and paste below. (descrip.)

ENFP
(Extraverted [22] Intuitive [25] Feeling [38] Perceiving [11])

You are:

slightly expressed extravert
moderately expressed intuitive personality
moderately expressed feeling personality
slightly expressed perceiving personality

B. Click through to the verbal description paragraph for your M-B Type by Kiersey. It starts, “The Portrait of the ….” Cut and paste this below. Read it carefully. What parts feel like they might be right and what parts wrong? (description + 1 para)

The Portait of the Champion (ENFP)Keirsey Temperament Analysis

The Champion Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in accomplishing their aims, and informative and expressive when relating with others. For Champions, nothing occurs which does not have some deep ethical significance, and this, coupled with their uncanny sense of the motivations of others, gives them a talent for seeing life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil. This type is found in only about 3 percent of the general population, but they have great influence because of their extraordinary impact on others. Champions are inclined to go everywhere and look into everything that has to do with the advance of good and the retreat of evil in the world. They can't bear to miss out on what is going on around them; they must experience, first hand, all the significant social events that affect our lives. And then they are eager to relate the stories they've uncovered, hoping to disclose the "truth" of people and issues, and to advocate causes. This strong drive to unveil current events can make them tireless in conversing with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out.

Champions consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life, although they can never quite shake the feeling that a part of themselves is split off, uninvolved in the experience. Thus, while they strive for emotional congruency, they often see themselves in some danger of losing touch with their real feelings, which Champions possess in a wide range and variety. In the same vein, Champions strive toward a kind of spontaneous personal authenticity, and this intention always to "be themselves" is usually communicated nonverbally to others, who find it quite attractive. All too often, however, Champions fall short in their efforts to be authentic, and they tend to heap coals of fire on themselves, berating themselves for the slightest self-conscious role-playing.

Joan Baez, Phil Donahue, Paul Robeson, Bill Moyer, Elizibeth Cady Stanton, Joeseph Campbell, Edith Wharton, Sargent Shriver, Charles Dickens, and Upton Sinclair are examples of Idealist Champions

I've bolded the parts that I think particularly apply to me, or at least have in the past. Some things may be a little different due to recent experiences. The part about thinking and speaking abstractly is very true. Often, people close to me have difficulty in understanding the connections my mind makes or how I make them. I'm not particularly good with deciphering or creating things in an impressionist manner; things of that nature are simply obtuse to me. I suppose the only way to explain it is simply as "odd". Maybe "quirky".

I'm definitely an expressive person, and informative, to boot. I often ramble on about a set of events without ever explicitly clarifying any kind of significance, probably because I too often expect my audience to discern the meaning behind what I say for themselves. It's not that I'm reserved or anything, I just don't realize that not everyone sees the same significance in things that I happen to. I forget to make a clear point. But this also goes to strengthen the next point, that very little happens that I don't see some kind of ethical or or deeper meaning to. I don't believe in coincidence. I do tend to see life as a drama; year after year I feel more and more like I'm living in a novel. However, I'm not always excited about it -- sometimes it's downright tiring. And I don't always feel motivated to go out and seek world-altering events. I have a depressive streak that goes a long way toward killing my motivation and excitability.

Yeah. I talk a lot when I'm provoked. Moving on.

I feel things. A lot. But, as the description says, I always feel like there's one part of me that is completely disconnected -- a partitioned part of my mind that feels next to nothing at all. This is the mode I revert to in times of extreme duress or negative emotion. This is also the part of me that scares me the most, I think. At least, it used to. I always used to wonder how genuine I really am, and how much of the time I simply manipulate people and fool myself into thinking it's innocent. Lately... I've had a few different experiences that have taught me that doing that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Much in the way that selfishness isn't evil or bad just for the sake of being selfish, I don't think that using people to benefit myself and them as well is necessarily a terrible thing. Especially not when it improves a situation I have to be in for an extended period of time *coughmyrelationshipcough*. I think that as long as I am aware of what I am doing and the consequences I desire in doing it, I'm ok with it. Now that I am able to tell when I'm doing it and why, not only am I not afraid of it, I can almost do it at will. This will be a serious skill to have when competing in the industry.

Being myself is important to me. Sometimes, though, it's not best for me or for those close to me. What's best is more important.

Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
by Marina Margaret Heiss Profile: ENFP

Revision: 3.0
Date of Revision: 25 Feb 2005 [The following comes partially from the archetype, but mostly from my own dealings with ENFPs.]

General: ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. They want to both help (at least, their own definition of "help") and be liked and admired by other people, on bo th an individual and a humanitarian level. They are interested in new ideas on principle, but ultimately discard most of them for one reason or another.

Social/Personal Relationships: ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely like people. As SOs/mates they are warm, affectionate (l ots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous. However, attention span in relationships can be short; ENFPs are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting about the older ones for long stretches at a time. Less mature ENFPs may need to feel they are the center of attention all the time, to reassure them that everyone thinks they're a wonderful and fascinating person.

ENFPs often have strong, if unconvential, convictions on various issues related to their Cosmic View. They usually try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade people gently of the rightness of these views; his sometimes results in their negle cting their nearest and dearest while flitting around trying to save the world.

Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.

ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it.

Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

by Joe Butt

ENFPs are friendly folks. Most are really enjoyable people. Some of the most soft-hearted people are ENFPs. ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Som etimes they may even appear intoxicated when the "switch" is flipped. One study has shown that ENFPs are significantly overrepresented in psychodrama. Most have a natural propensity for role-playing and acting.
ENFPs like to tell funny stories, especially about their friends. This penchant may be why many are attracted to journalism. I kid one of my ENFP friends that if I want the sixth fleet to know something, I'll just tell him. ENFPs are global learners. Close enough is satisfactory to the ENFP, which may unnerve more precise thinking types, especially with such things as piano practice ("three quarter notes or four ... what's the difference?") Amazingly, some ENFPs are adept at exacting disciplines such as mathematics.

Friends are what life is about to ENFPs, moreso even than the other NFs. They hold up their end of the relationship, sometimes being victimized by less caring individuals. ENFPs are energized by being around people. Some have real difficulty being alone , especially on a regular basis.

One ENFP colleague, a social worker, had such tremendous interpersonal skills that she put her interviewers at ease during her own job interview. She had the ability to make strangers feel like old friends. ENFPs sometimes can be blindsided by their secondary Feeling function. Hasty decisions based on deeply felt values may boil over with unpredictable results. More than one ENFP has abruptly quit a job in such a moment.

Functional Analysis:

Extraverted iNtuition
The physical world, both geos and kosmos, is the ENFP's primary source of information. Rather than sensing things as they are, dominant intuition is sensitive to things as they might be. These extraverted intuitives are most adept with patterns and connections. Their natural inclination is toward relationships, especially among people or living things.

Intuition leans heavily on feeling for meaning and focus. Its best patterns reflect the interesting points of people, giving rise to caricatures of manner, speech and expression.

Introverted Feeling
Auxiliary feeling is nonverbally implied more often than it is openly expressed. When expressed, this logic has an aura of romance and purity that may seem out of place in this flawed, imperfect world. In its own defense, feeling judgement frequently and fleetly gives way to humor. ENFPs who publicize their feelings too often may put off some of the crowd of friends they naturally attract.

Extraverted Thinking
Thinking, the process which runs to impersonal conclusions, holds the extraverted tertiary position. Used on an occasional basis, ENFPs may benefit greatly from this ability. Less mature and lacking the polish of higher order functions, Thinking is not well suited to be used as a prominent function. As with other FP types, the ENFP unwary of Thinking's limitations may find themselves most positively mistaken.

Introverted Sensing
Sensing, the least discernible ENFP function, resides in the inner world where reality is reduced to symbols and icons--ideas representing essences of external realities. Under the influence of the ever-present intuition, the ENFP's sensory perceptions are in danger of being replaced by hypothetical data consistent with pattern and paradigm. When it is protected and nourished, introverted sensing provides information about the fixed. From such firm anchoring ENFPs are best equipped to launch into thousands of plausibilities and curiosities yet to be imagined. Perhaps the combination of introverted Feeling and childlike introverted Sensing is responsible for the silent pull of ENFPs to the wishes of parents, authority figures and friends. Or perhaps it's the predominance of indecisive intuition in combination with the ambiguity of secondary Fi and tertiary Te that induces these kind souls to capitulate even life-affecting decisions. Whatever the dynamic, ENFPs are strongly influenced by the opinions of their friends.

Famous ENFPs:
Franz Joseph Haydn, Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), Will Rogers, Buster Keaton, Theodor "Dr." Seuss Geisel, Mickey Rooney, James Dobson ("Focus on the Family"), Andy Rooney, Carol Burnett, Paul Harvey, Elizabeth Montgomery (Bewitched), Bill Cosby, Dom Delouise, Dave Thomas (owner of Wendy's hamburger chain), Lewis Grizzard (newspaper columnist), I. King Jordan (president of Gallaudet University), Martin Short, Meg Ryan, Robin Williams, Sandra Bullock, Robert Downey, Alicia Silverstone, Sinbad, Andy Kaufman, Regis Philbin

Fictional: Dr. Doug Ross (ER), Balkie (Perfect Strangers), The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Steve Urkel

5. Take IHHP's Emotional Intelligence Test
http://www.ihhp.com/quiz.php
Be honest in answering the questions. Cut and paste the paragraph description you get below. Read it carefully. What parts feel like they might be right and what parts wrong?
(NOTE: You don’t have to share these results on your Personal Futures Portfolio. If you do, you can also make your PFP confidential if you choose). (description + 1 para)

Your Score: 41

35 - 44

You have slightly above average EQ - with room to grow! You are likely sensitive to the emotional climate of the people around you - your peers, friends, family and key clients. You are well aware of the effect your behavior has on others. Still, while you may be adept at tuning into others and their needs - you must remember your own! Don't be afraid to honestly communicate these difficult needs and feelings. The world is well stocked with martyrs - it doesn't need any more! Think also about your passion for work (or whatever constitutes your main roles in life - manager of people, doer of tasks, 'meeter' of clients' needs, etc). We spend countless hours in our given roles - sometimes without much joy or satisfaction. In the process we become tranquilized by the trivial. Sedated by the small details of life. Sure, the laundry needs doing, the groceries need getting, the kids need chauffeuring, the deadlines must be knocked off, but we also need to stop and remember what gives us great joy and meaning. If we fail to remind ourselves (on a regular basis), we risk becoming hostile and cynical. We lose our purpose. And this translates to a diminished ability to be effective, at ease and fulfilled. Areas to work on: Ask yourself: - What situations generally create tension and stress for you? How are you handling these situations? - What negative thoughts play over and over in your mind on a regular basis? Are these a true picture of reality? - Are you afraid to share your needs and feelings with others? Is it because you are taking care of everyone else - being a martyr - or acting 'the strong, silent type'? What 3 things give you the greatest meaning in your life? If you work on gaining clarity in these areas, you will move toward maximizing your full potential and finding greater effectiveness, happiness, and fulfillment in your life. As William James said: I have no doubt whatever that most people live, whether physically, intellectually, or morally, in a very restricted circle of their potential being. They make use of a very small portion of their possible consciousness... much like a man who, out of his whole body organism, should get into the habit of using and moving only his little finger... We all have reservoirs of life to draw upon, of which we do not dream.

The forgetting or neglecting of my own feelings and needs is definitely a familiar concept, and something I've been working on in recent months (especially in the context of my relationship). I'm all for giving all I've got, but I can't deny that I have needs and wants that are valid, as well. Also, another particularly poignant point is that of losing focus on my purpose, and forgetting what it is that brings me joy. This has indeed caused me to become cynical and more than a little jaded in the past, though I try not to let those things show in my interactions with other people. I tend to keep that part of me to myself, though I have been working to remind myself regularly of why I am in the situation I'm in -- and that it is indeed for a very good reason. I wish to draw upon my reservoir of life.